I have quite a backlog to get through for these. I don’t know if I have enough mildly interesting messages to put in italics at the beginning of every post. Sorry, people.
[FRANCIS drags the WHEEL OF WHEEL onstage with an irritated expression.]
BLUE: Alright Chris, time to SPIN THE WHEEL and decide what we’re doing today!
[CHRIS does nothing]
BLUE: spin the wheel?
[CHRIS twitches his nose and hops away a couple times. It’s a wonder he hasn’t run away yet. BLUE picks him up and places him back in front of THE WHEEL]
BLUE: Would my lovely assistant please come spin the wheel for Chris?
[FRANCIS looks on enviously as RED walks onstage.]
RED: I’d be delighted! Good luck, Chris!
[RED spins the WHEEL OF WHEEL]
WHEEL OF WHEEL: wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
*there is a long, uncomfortable pause*
*the WHEEL comes to a stop at ‘Woods’*
*the pause continues*
*…*
*the WHEEL dings*
BLUE: Alright! It’s time for…
*dramatic*
BLUE: WOODS!
*BLUE snaps her fingers*
[they are now in the woods]
BLUE: Here are the rules:
Got it? Good.
[CONTESTANTS look at each other in confusion]
BLUE: Ok! Your weapons are under your contestant tables. Good luck have fun!
[all CONTESTANTS have their WEAPONS, except CHRIS.]
BLUE, looking at Chris: Uh… Chris… weapons…
[CHRIS does nothing]
BLUE: *sigh* Lovely assistant, would you help our friend Chris here… ?
RED: Absolutely!
*RED duct tapes a KNIFE haphazardly onto CHRIS.*
RED, hands on hips, nodding: Perfect.
BLUE: LET THE GAMES BEGIN-
SHANDRA, faintly: wait but what are we doing-
[BLUE snaps her fingers and all of the game show EQUIPMENT poofs away, including BLUE, the CREW, and STUDIO AUDIENCE. All that remains are the CONTESTANTS and their WEAPONS.]
(Chris has a short knife, Talon has an unloaded hunting rifle, Ray has a large number of long, blunted knives, Glenda has a bow & arrows, Shandra has a grenade launcher with four grenades, Kyle has a blowgun with seven darts, Brian has a mace)
[the CONTESTANTS look around.]
BRIAN: soooo…
[GLENDA has begun live streaming]
BLUE, over intercom: *horrific feedback screech, everyone winces* WHAT ARE YOU DOING? FIND THE ORB! GO! FIGHT EACH OTHER! *deeply distressing sounds* *clunk*
KYLE, running into the woods: BYE SUCKERS
[CHRIS hops away into a bush]
TALON, with ze bloodlust: hehehe
[TALON attempts to shoot/massacre the other CONTESTANTS, but his gun is unloaded. GLENDA angrily walks up to him.]
GLENDA: Excuse me? Did you just??? Try to SHOOT ME??? That is, like, SO RUDE! omigod. I blame the SOCIAL MEDIA INTERNET. You’d calm down if you tried VEGANISM and PILATES.
TALON, scoffing: Veganism? I only eat RAW STEAK! FREEDOM!
GLENDA: I CANNOT EVEN.
[GLENDA storms away into the woods, angrily live streaming.]
TALON, running into a tree and subsequently vanishing into the woods: AMERICAAAA
[BRIAN and SHANDRA are the only ones left in the clearing. RAY has disappeared, not literally, but RAY is now in the woods. They look at each other.]
BRIAN: Truce?
SHANDRA: Truce.
WOW! I FEEL LIKE I’M GETTING TO KNOW EVERYONE SO WELL. IT’S ALMOST ENOUGH TO MAKE ME SHED A TEAR OR TWO… BUT THESE EYES OF MINE DON’T HAVE TEAR DUCTS ANYMORE. I SHOULD REALLY KEEP THOSE BITS NEXT TIME I’M OUT COLLECTING. WHAT WAS I TALKING ABOUT? OH, RIGHT. GOLLY, I SURE DO HOPE NO ONE DIES! THAT’D BE BAD! ANYWAY! THAT’S ALL FOR NOW ON IS! THAT! OUR! BUS!
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